Research shows that our immune and nervous systems become distressed when we experience ongoing conflict within our primary intimate relationship. In contrast, when we experience harmony, closeness, intimacy, and connection with our partner, our entire well-being is strengthened, supporting research that shows we are hardwired for strong emotional bonding with others. Unfortunately, even couples that love each other can end up in repetitive struggles and conflict. Until fairly recently, it wasn’t clear why so many couples with good intentions ended up in unsatisfying and conflict ridden relationships. Recent studies on adult bonding and attachment provide some answers.
My approach to couple’s counseling is specifically informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a structured model for couples counseling based on the scientific research on adult attachment and bonding. According to EFT, couples encounter relationship distress when they have experienced emotional disconnection with their partner at key moments. These “misses” then lead a couple to engage in repetitive and reactive negative cycles of criticism and anger, or shutdown and withdraw, leading to further breakdowns in connection. EFT provides a clear map for couples to find their way out of discord and assists them in reestablishing their connection and the strengthening of the quality of their emotional bond. If you are interested in reading more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, please go to the ICEEFT website.
My work with couples is also informed by Carl Jung’s conceptualization of